Darwin Award!
Just to brighten your daze!!! Here’s a funny from my friend Don Yankovic… Enjoy…Dave
DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It’s an annual honor given to
the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of it.
In 1996 the winner was an airforce sergeant who attached a JATO unit
to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the
roadbed.
And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles– one of the
few Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
Larry’s boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school,
he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately,
poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he
had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the
local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and
several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated,
would measure more than four feet across.
Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn
chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated
the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was
still only a few feet above the ground.
Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six-
pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun — figuring he could pop a
few balloons when it was time to descend — and went back to the
floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and
provisions. Larry’s plan was to lazily float up to a height of about
30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few
hours come back down.
Things didn’t quite work out that way.
When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn’t
float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky
as if shot from a cannon.
He didn’t level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet.
After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that
height he couldn’t risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he
unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed
there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours.
Then he really got in trouble.
He found himself drifting into the the primary approach corridor of
Los Angeles International Airport.
A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower and
described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Radar confirmed
the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport.
LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was
dispatched to investigate.
LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling and the offshore breeze
began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot
pursuit.
Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew
determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in
for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away
whenever they neared.
Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet
above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was
hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed
by the helicopter crew.
As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting
members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.
As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the
daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larrry stopped, turned and
replied nonchalantly, “A man can’t just sit around.”
Let’s hear it for Larry Walters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner!
Tags: Darwin Awards, Stupidity